worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You took a bar mat shot.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
