rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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