I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
