what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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