do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
