I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
