I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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