What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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