You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
