just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dear god my vagina.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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