Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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