bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
