WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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