and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
