I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
