I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
