He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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