we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
