I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
