You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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