i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
