Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
