thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
