I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
