Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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