found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
