You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
