in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
