Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
