I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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