Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
