if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
