I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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