I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
