you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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