I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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