just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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