Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
