a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
