question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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