Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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