oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
