you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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