Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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