Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
