my phone needs a breathalizer
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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