You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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