I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
