Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
