At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
