I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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