Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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