saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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